Well, it's more of an invitation, really

Okay, so last time I said it was all instructions. But there's an important albeit somewhat subtle distinction to be made between "instructions" and "invitations"



If you suggest that someone does something, they can choose whether or not to do it. Think about it from their perspective for a moment - why should they do it? If you're barking orders, you're basically telling them "do it or I'll punish you". Screw that. That's not doing it right.

So there's the novel principle that you should make it so that people do things because it's good for them. 

Okay, maybe that's obvious. The more interesting part is subtly communicating that. Basically, you need to be working from a frame of cooperation where you have a lot to offer. They can say no, but why would they? They'd have to be crazy

Often, when I'm trying to create a change in someone, I need them to acknowledge certain uncomfortable truths so I can move on. The way I do this is to hold eye contact, raise my eye brows, and do a one sided smile and tack on "ya know?". When I do this, I'm communicating that I find it obvious, and I know that they get it too, and that I'm inviting them to acknowledge this potentially uncomfortable truth - you know, because I'm there to fucking help. It's "You know this, and you have to acknowledge it if you want a solution to your problem. No pressure from me. Just let me know if you're in"

When showing my friend this technique, it made him cringe. It was awesome. "That is so uncomfortable!". It's putting him in between a rock and a hard spot - between admitting an uncomfortable truth and knowingly self deceiving (plus being a douche to his helpful and awesome friend).  He's free to choose exactly what I want him to choose ;)

And if they do say "no", then I have a few options. Of interest here is the option to say "Okay. Let me know if you want any more help :)"

It's just an invitation - I don't NEED them to say yes. That would be needy, which would be a problem with me. (Of course, I can still debug a "no", as long as I'm still non-needy and am inviting them to debug)

If it were an order, I'd be stuck deciding whether I can punish them, or if they've just called my bluff - either way a bad situation.

If it were a prediction, I'd have to hang my head in shame - or maybe get defensive and rationalize excuses why it didn't work.

If it were an obligation, it'd be awkward as fuck. This is where the whole "creepy guy hitting on a girl" thing comes from. The neediness combined with the sense of entitlement to a positive response.

But it's not any of those things. It's just an invitation - because I have something you want and I don't need to do anything else to get your compliance. You get better results when you can credibly signal this. You can credibly signal this through body language, vocal tonality, and word choice automatically if you're genuinely feeling it. Besides, that's best for your own mental health anyway.

This is general social skills here, of course, but it does apply to hypnosis in particular. Here's an example:

So a girl I had just met asked me what I do. We started talking about hypnosis, and then a neat opportunity presented itself. I have been wanting to seamlessly transition from conversation to hypnosis for a while now - relying only on implicit consent (this is a really cool idea that I have to expand on one of these days). I went from talking about hypnosis to telling her what I would do if I were actually hypnotizing her.

I've tried that trick in the past, and the result was always "Okay, I think I get it". This time, however, I did what hypnotists call "going first" and instead of merely reciting the spell, I started saying it as if I actually expected her to be following. Not listening abstractly, but following my frame, which I was clearly in.

"...In text hypnosis, you don't have vocal tone to worry about, but in person it matters. For example, if I were to say "Place your hand on the table, and now you can imagine it starting to get heavy, and this can just happen automatically - it's just happening on its own and it is actually getting heavy - you can feel it, can't you?"

(Yes, the quotations are purposely unbalanced ;))

At that point she had a choice to make - interpret it as "not heavy", break rapport, and lose the chance to see where I'm going - or stay in my fascinating frame and keep rapport. Guess which she chose?

"That's right, and now the harder you try, the more it just STICKS. Try to move it and notice it just STICK there"

Aaaaand we got hand stick. :)

I just went first, clearly described my frame, and invited her to join. It was the first time going for confirmation that didn't have the "OMG! Moment of truth!!!" feel to it. It was closer to the feeling I get when I say "Ya know?". This is my frame, and I own it.

Make your frame awesome. Invite them in. Make sure they have no reason to leave. And bring your frame to your goal.